I'm lovin' it

So what's the great story of the day? Well, it certainly doesn't start out that well, but it ends in a great way. So I went to my accompanist's class today because we have to sing there two times during the semester. So it's actually usually a pretty awful experience for both of us; however, it's a really good performing opportunity. Unfortunately, neither of us were as prepared as we could have been today, and it was the longest forty five minutes I've had in a long time. She was obviously not impressed with us, and especially not me. So yeah, it was a really terrible part of my day.

So now to the good news. So I was walking out of there today and I really didn't feel like her comments affected me all that much. I know what I can do, and I know that I've been really busy. I don't feel like I've wasted a lot of time this semester, I've just been really busy. So the moral of the story? I didn't let her comments affect me. I took some of her criticism seriously, and I'll use it towards improving my songs for juries. But I'm not going to take her dislike as a personal attack. I know that things are tough and stressful for me this semester, and I feel good about the direction that I'm heading with my vocal abilities. I'm still just a freshman, and yes, there are things that I can do to improve my studying and things. But I really am trying, and I'm not going to let criticism from other people get me down anymore.

So there are a lot of things that I'm still struggling with, but really, I know most of my weak areas, and I'm learning to accept those. I think that everyday I move closer to feeling comfortable with who I am. And really, as long as I know I'm doing my best, that's all that matters.

You're beautiful. James Blunt said so.

I think that everyone has been given at least one trial or weakness that seems impossible to overcome. It's not one of those trials that you can conquer in a week like a paper for a class or a bad haircut. I feel like everyone has probably been blessed with something that will take years or even a lifetime to overcome. It's an interesting thought that i had today that sort of leads into what I want to focus on for this post tonight.

I think that something I'm really struggling with lately is feeling like what I have to offer is good enough. I know that we're not supposed to compare ourselves to other people, but it's so hard not to get caught up in the ways that we're viewed by other people. We're surrounded by other people who seem to have everything together: beauty, personality, faith, etc. There are just certain people that seem exceptional at living, and it's really really hard to see good qualities in yourself when you feel like other people are still so much better.

I think lately I've been second guessing myself even more than normal. I guess I just feel like I could be putting a lot more effort into things, and I'm not really trying to do my very best. I mean, I am trying to do my very best, but I guess it's not always good enough. And sometimes I'm just really good at letting myself down and so it scares me the next time I try to do something because I'm sure that I'll fail again. And it's hard to picture myself succeeding when I can only remember all the times that I failed or I just didn't measure up.

I really want to work on valuing myself. Because it's so easy to let other people dictate the way that I feel about myself. But what I really want is to set some realistic goals and achieve them. So that I can prove to myself that I can do things that are hard. But even thinking about it now, I'm thinking about how easily this motivating feelings will wear off. I want to feel good about me. I want to quit comparing myself to other people who I feel are better. I want to stop second guessing every single move I make because I'm afraid of looking bad or being too something...

Am I ready to really make some significant changes in my life? I think I'll need some help. And I'm pretty sure I know a few people that I can look to for that kind of support. Tomorrow is a new day, and things aren't going to be any easier. But I love the person that I am. I'm not the same as those other people that I view as being perfect, but that's ok. I'm me, and that's good enough. I'm going to try harder. Tomorrow's a new day. And I am a beautiful person who has a lot to offer to those who are around me. I just gotta keep telling myself that, and one day I'll believe it completely in my head and my heart.

It's gonna be a good one ;)

So the great story for the day is that I nearly said something in my Children's Lit class. And almost saying something is a lot of progress for me. I usually don't say anything, and when I do say something, it's because I have to have participation points to get a good grade.

Today has actually turned out better than expected so far. I splashed in the slush puddles so my shoes are soaked through, but it made me feel good. I'm even sitting in the computer lab with my shoes off. Sorry everyone else! And I had a pretty good time in theory today with some friends. So far, today hasn't been that bad.

Last night I got to hang out with my family for a while. We went to dinner and then me and my sister watched Biggest Loser. It was an awesome episode by the way. I just love this new blog. It's a place where I come and remember all the good things about my day, and it's kind of secretly hidden in cyberspace. I love it!

Have a happy day! It's gonna be a good one ;)

Here's to life.

After a really great and inspiring day, a much less inspiring day usually follows. It hasn't really been that bad. I fell asleep in one class and nearly failed a test in another; however, I got lucky and I don't have to take the keyboarding mid-term until next time. That was a serious blessing for the day. And I went to the gym today. Everything in my whole body told me to run to the lounge and sleep after econ, but I didn't. I went to the gym and worked out for about an hour, and I actually feel really great now.

I wanted to live my life, and I guess I'm getting a taste of real life today. Life isn't always filled with roses and happy Wal*Mart smiley faces, but it's life. And I'm still living it. And you know, when I left the gym today, the sun was shining. I really thought it would be terrible weather all week, but today was great. Spring is just over the horizon. I can feel it!

I find writing really therapeutic. I'm not really very good at it, but I like doing it. It helps me remember that even days like today probably aren't really all that bad. And I made it through, and now I'm doing well. Today is going to be an excellent day, and tomorrow is going to be great too! "Oh, I can feel it."

Happy Spring everyone. Here's to life.

Live your life.

A new chapter has emerged from my already existing novel. It's one of those novels that continues to be written, and it will never stop being written. I will always be progressing and moving forward and reaching for new peaks. When I get tired of old ones, I move on to new ones. I can be whomever I want to be, and that's what I love about this new chapter. I'm turning over a new leaf, and I'm moving to being the person that I want to be.

You may want to ask me who it is that I want to be. And I'd tell you that you have a very valid question. I'm not sure who it is that I really want to be. I know that right now at this very moment I want to be happy. I want to live each moment as if it were the most important moment of my life. I want to stress only about the things that are truly important. I want to be faithful, kind, and true to those that I love. I want to feel important, and I want to create moments with my family. I want to be the person that I want to be and not feel guilty about my mistakes. I want to live. More than anything in the world I just want to live my life.

Living to me means more than going through the motions. It means that I will count each breath as a blessing from God. I will keep myself healthy so that I can live my life longer and to the fullest. I will relish in the moments that are breathtaking: rain, sweet kisses, precious moments with family and friends. I will appreciate the time I get to spend studying and reading at night, which is my favorite time of the day. And I'm going to enjoy my life. I'm not going to be perfect, but I'm going to feel good about who I am and what I'm doing. Because from now on I'm going to live.

Maybe I'll use this blog to relive really precious moments that I feel impact who I am. Or maybe I'll post once and won't do it again. Either way, this post for this blog at this moment signals a change of heart for me. It signals a release from a different person who was a little more afraid to be herself. And now I'm going to do a little better. I'm going to stand a little taller and reach a little further because I can. Today signals a change. I can feel it, and I'm drowning myself in the purity that can come through true change. So here I go to LIVE another day. And that's what's most important.