Happy Thursday

Happy Thursday :) Well, I guess it's Friday now...

You know what makes me really happy? I love driving with my windows rolled down on cool summer nights. And it's only complete with my blasting country music in the background. I used to think that I didn't really have a musical preference. But I do. I've been listening to my sister's music a lot lately, and it just doesn't sit well with me. It's all right for the first 10 minutes or so, and then I'm ready to turn it off. I love my country music. I know that tags me as sort of a music freak (especially in the music building ;)) but I love it. I don't really have favorite songs, but here are my favorites for today.

Favorite country songs for today:

I Run to You by Lady Antebellum
Then by Brad Paisley
Mayberry by Rascal Flatts

Those are the first three that came to mind. I love the way country music tells stories. You get a glimpse into people's lives from a three minute song, how great is that? I love music...

Well, that's all. I've had a great day today. It's been a while since I've been able to say that. Today was just all around successful. Sweet dreams, readers ;)

Blogging for the Soul

Why did I even start this blog? It's kind of funny to look back on my old blog. Looking at the person that I used to be and who I've become. Who I've become... am I happy with who I've become? I'm happy with most of the person that I've become. There will always be more to fix. That's terrifying, happy, wonderful, and awful all at the same time. Being able to progress forever is a little overwhelming, but knowing that I'm not perfect now and that I'm not supposed to be is comforting. It's kind of exciting too... I can be whoever I want to be.

I wish I was more adventurous sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I'm always taking the safe way out, always doing exactly what I'm told. Not that I want to do anything bad, but maybe something a little crazy. I really want to go somewhere and help. Like Mexico or Africa. I don't know what I could do... maybe they need English teachers in Taiwan. I've heard of people that have done that. And I would love to do that too. I don't really know what kinds of programs take students there, but I'd love to go. Isn't it funny who sometimes life is really exciting and other times it's just a challenge to make it day to day? Maybe it's not really funny...

I need to start hanging out with people again. I've kind of closed myself off these past few weeks. Not a good idea for me... it gives me too much free time. I have been reading a lot lately though. I finally finished Harry Potter 7. It was fantastic! I laughed, I cried... awesome. ;)

Why is it so hard to let people in? It's so difficult to sustain relationships with people... they take so much work. It's worth it absolutely, but it's not easy. I feel really alone lately. Not completely alone, because I know that I'm never completely alone, but sometimes I go to work, come home, and then go to bed. I hardly text anyone (everyone's pretty much gone now). And I'm afraid to go back to school. Part of me is afraid to get closer to the people who are leaving, because solitude at school will be easier if I'm used to it, won't it? Somehow I'm going to be all right, and I will make friends. And I can get close to people who are leaving. What's life without a little heartache? ;)

I'm going to work harder.

Blogging is so therapudic. Seriously. I feel much better about things. And maybe I'll even hang out with some people tomorrow... crazy thought ;) I can do this. And maybe I'll let other people read this blog... it was originally made as a new chapter in my story, and it was meant for me. So we'll see... maybe I'll post on my other blog that I have this one. Who knows? Have a happy week everyone. Good luck with everything you're doing.

That's all it takes.

Katie just asked/told me to "stop falling apart." Now, she meant it literally. I have a cold sore, I just burned the finger next to the finger that is randomly swollen and bruised, and I've been having weird stomach cramps for the past few days. Not to mention the weird dots that have been accumulating on my calf muscles. I know she meant it literally, but right before she sent me that text I was thinking about not falling apart in more of a metaphorical way. Sometimes I feel like I'm falling apart. I'm not trying to complain or anything; I know there are people with trials billions of times harder than mine right now. But I feel like it's important for me to write about how I'm feeling; why have a blog if all I do is write fluffy lists and posts full of uplifting words? Life isn't about being perfect; life is about persevering through the rough parts and coming out a better person. Life may be hard, but who really wants to get to the end of life only to realize that they hadn't learned all the things they needed to because they had taken the easy way out? It's the hard times that shape us into the people that we're meant to be. I know that it doesn't seem that way when we're in the middle of a tough time in life. I know that really well. But I also have faith and hope that challenges are the very things that shape us into what we need to become. (I'm writing this mostly to remind myself.)

Heavenly Father is always watching out for us, no matter what. Even when we feel like we've reached the depths of sorrow and there is no light at the end of the tunnel, there is. He knows exactly how far we can be pushed. Heavenly Father doesn't test the weak. He's teaching us to be just like him, and that's exactly who I want to be. I am so far from being that... but I know that my Father in Heaven is cheering for me every step of the way. He wants me back; he wants everyone to come back to Him.

Some days I feel like I'm at the very end of my rope. Some days I feel like I really am all alone in this big world. But I know deep down in my heart that I am never truly alone, I will always have the love of my Heavenly Father and Savior. So even though I feel like I'm falling apart at the seams, I know someone is guiding my life and He's ready to sew me back up when I've reached my breaking point. Faith and hope, that's all it takes.

That's what counts

So I thought I'd take advantage of a night that I'm feeling really pretty awesome. Not that all my other nights suck or anything, but tonight has just been better than a lot of other days this week. I've been a little bored lately, and I've been missing some direction; however, today just felt better. Church was really frustrating. I've been trying to get this musical fireside ready for next week, and sometimes people aren't willing to help. It's just so frustrating when people aren't willing to put forth any effort. But you know, maybe I don't know the whole story. Maybe some people just really can't take on even one more thing. I have a really hard time saying no, but not everyone is that way.

This leads to my next thought. I've been thinking a lot today about how we're sort of all in this together. One of our purposes on this earth is to help and lift other people. Helping other people is one of our main purposes while we're here, and I just think that's so cool. We all have this end goal in sight, and we can help other people reach that ultimate goal. None of us are perfect, but I like to think that most of us are trying our best. Most people are trying to live life the best that they can. It would help me a lot if I could remember that.

Things are going really well, and I'm so happy with my life. I have so many blessings and opportunities, and I love being me. I'm not perfect, but I'm trying. And that's what counts.

I don't always have it together.

I am discouraged.

I feel so lonely.

A piece of my heart is gone, and I can't get it back.

Pain. Alone.

I still feel hope, and that's comforting. I do know that things are going to turn out the way they should. And I do know that I'm not ever really alone. But tonight...

I need my best friend, and he's gone.

I want to smile... But more than that, I want to cry. I want to cry the pain away.

I don't have to have it together all the time.

Some of the time would be nice...

I want to guard my heart. And at the same time, I want to let people in.

It's worth it; it's hard.

Experience is the essence of life.

Experiences are the essence of life. If we never experienced anything, then we wouldn't be living. And I'm so grateful that I get to experience new things often. I feel so ready to take on the world. There are just so many possibilities, and I can shape my life into what I want it to be- as long as it's done with righteous desires and guidance from the spirit. I am so grateful for the opportunity that I have to grow and to learn. Things can be hard sometimes, but if things weren't hard then they wouldn't be worth it. It's true. Hard things make life worth it. And making it through hard things makes us stronger.

Tonight I'm just so grateful. I know that no matter where my life turns, I have someone there guiding my life always. My Heavenly Father always knows what's best for me, and all He asks is that I place my full faith and trust in Him. And if I do, he will always guide me. I'm not perfect. And I am so grateful that I'm not perfect. I am so grateful that I get to learn and grow. I love it. I absolutely love learning things about myself, other people, and the world around me. It doesn't get much better than that.

I want to experience new things, and I want to grow. It won't always be easy, but it will always be worth it. I love this.

Just Keep Swimming

I've been a lot happier this summer than I've been for a long time. I'm not sure what I can attribute it to. I can think of a few things, but only a few that I'm actually going to mention on my blog.

1. Friends - This last semester of college made me remember how much I love my friends. But not just friends in general. I've realized that there are a few people that are always going to be there for me. There are some friends from high school that I'll still see on occasion, but there are two or three friends that I will always be able to turn to when I need them. And that means a lot to me.

Okay so only one that I'm going to write about.

College has taught me a lot. And I wouldn't trade this past year for anything. There were a few times when I was sure that I was going to throw in the towel, but I never did. And I'm stronger because I never did. I learned to be a lot more independent; yet, I also learned that I have to rely on other people sometimes. Going it alone just doesn't cut it, and it's not enjoyable.

I learned other qualities about myself too. Maybe I'll write about them in another post, maybe not. But college has really been an important step in my life. I'm learning and growing far more than I ever did in high school. High school taught me the lessons that it was meant to teach me, but now I'm moving on to bigger and better lessons and experiences.

"Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming."