Why did I even start this blog? It's kind of funny to look back on my old blog. Looking at the person that I used to be and who I've become. Who I've become... am I happy with who I've become? I'm happy with most of the person that I've become. There will always be more to fix. That's terrifying, happy, wonderful, and awful all at the same time. Being able to progress forever is a little overwhelming, but knowing that I'm not perfect now and that I'm not supposed to be is comforting. It's kind of exciting too... I can be whoever I want to be.
I wish I was more adventurous sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I'm always taking the safe way out, always doing exactly what I'm told. Not that I want to do anything bad, but maybe something a little crazy. I really want to go somewhere and help. Like Mexico or Africa. I don't know what I could do... maybe they need English teachers in Taiwan. I've heard of people that have done that. And I would love to do that too. I don't really know what kinds of programs take students there, but I'd love to go. Isn't it funny who sometimes life is really exciting and other times it's just a challenge to make it day to day? Maybe it's not really funny...
I need to start hanging out with people again. I've kind of closed myself off these past few weeks. Not a good idea for me... it gives me too much free time. I have been reading a lot lately though. I finally finished Harry Potter 7. It was fantastic! I laughed, I cried... awesome. ;)
Why is it so hard to let people in? It's so difficult to sustain relationships with people... they take so much work. It's worth it absolutely, but it's not easy. I feel really alone lately. Not completely alone, because I know that I'm never completely alone, but sometimes I go to work, come home, and then go to bed. I hardly text anyone (everyone's pretty much gone now). And I'm afraid to go back to school. Part of me is afraid to get closer to the people who are leaving, because solitude at school will be easier if I'm used to it, won't it? Somehow I'm going to be all right, and I will make friends. And I can get close to people who are leaving. What's life without a little heartache? ;)
I'm going to work harder.
Blogging is so therapudic. Seriously. I feel much better about things. And maybe I'll even hang out with some people tomorrow... crazy thought ;) I can do this. And maybe I'll let other people read this blog... it was originally made as a new chapter in my story, and it was meant for me. So we'll see... maybe I'll post on my other blog that I have this one. Who knows? Have a happy week everyone. Good luck with everything you're doing.
No comments:
Post a Comment